A Leap of Faith

What is the most fundamental of all the fears? Disappointment? Rejection? Failure? Loss of limb, control, loved ones, or opportunity? All terrible, but if someone tells you “it will all be okay” and you believe, these fears can be mitigated. Perhaps then, the greatest of all fears, is the possibility that such assurances could be wrong.

Perhaps, the most universal fear is that of the Unknown.

From our earliest days of cave dwelling to our modern youth ensconced in their cocoon of covers, we have always feared that of which we lack knowledge. What lies in the darkness of a closet, the vastness of the night, or behind a knock at the door? Yet again we find that these are mere trivialities compared to a deeper question. No matter what you do or don’t do, no matter what is or isn’t beyond that veil, the thing we so want to but can’t know is: “what happens next?”

It is thus revealed that the scariest thing known to man is time itself. Not only because of what it may take from us, but even more so by what it conceals. The future is inevitable, yet we can not see it. Even ourselves, what we are today, is erased by it, and replaced by what we are tomorrow. Transformed irrevocably by our actions, our in-actions, and those of everyone around us. Further eroding our agency, the impartial might of mother nature adds further spice to the brewing cauldron of tomorrow: an inescapable reality only marginally of our own design. Inescapable only until the next moment, itself a new and freshly minted reality as fleeting as the last. A new opportunity to be frightened, delighted, crest-fallen, or surprised.

Opportunities, the perennial presents of time, provide what little compensation exists for the fear and loss time inflicts. They present the possibility that, with action, things may be better. Connections made, sights seen, dreams realized.

Today I have such an opportunity. Starting next month is NaNoWriMo, an annual writing competition that promotes creative writing by challenging participants to write 50,000 words in novel form during the month of November. I have been working on my own book series in outline form since early 2013 but have largely shied away from writing the text itself. Tomorrow that changes. The opportunity to do so comes with my recent completion of a software-engineering contract, meaning I will be able to focus the entirety of my time and energy on this task. The first book of my series is certainly far larger than 50,000 words, so it’s unlikely I’ll have anything to immediately publish after November. But I will be making a public record of my progress (word-count) and maybe even the occasional blog post. Official winners of NaNoWriMo are not chosen, but instead anyone reaching the 50,000 word mark is considered a winner. If I can find myself amongst, them I will strongly consider continuing to work on the novel full-time. This would come with risk and a great deal of uncertainty. But I’ve been in need of a change for quite some time, and maybe this is the moment.

I am fearful of the future. I am fearful of what might be. But I find myself more fearful of looking back on what could have been. Wish me luck.

Happy Halloween and NaNoWriMo ~ 📘📑📝

– Dylan